"WHO Told You That You Were Naked?"

     In the book of Genesis, when Adam and Eve sinned and then hid from God and covered themselves with leaves, God came to them and the question He asked was "WHO told you that you were naked?"  When I was reminded of this months ago, it was like a bolt of lightning hitting me!!  It has been almost a year since I went to Brookhaven Retreat in Tennessee--a voluntary, small, women's treatment center for mental health issues or substance abuse.  When I got there I thought that I was a failure---that I had failed God---that I was washed up--done up as a teacher and speaker---that all the passion I had for teaching and speaking God's Word was gone.  I was dying---physically, mentally and spiritually.  I could not sleep or eat and was in a horrible pit.  It is a long story that I will slowly share with you in future blogs, but the one thing I want to tell you about that hit me was "WHO told me I was a failure?"  WHO was feeding me all the lies?  Just like in the garden of Eden, it was the serpent--the devil--who came to tempt and lie to Adam and Eve, it was the "thief" that comes to steal, kill and destroy---the "father of lies"--the accuser of the brethren---the devil, who comes like a roaring lion seeking whom he can destroy and I believed the lies---lies straight from the pit of hell.  One of the greatest tactics of any enemy is to convince his opponent that he does not exist.  If satan can convince us that he is not real, we will never resist or come against him like it tells us in scripture---"Submit yourself to God, resist the devil and he WILL flee from you.  I like what someone said---"I know the devil is real--the Bible says so and I have had dealings with him."  I can attest to both!!  HOWEVER, "Greater is He (Almighty God) that is in us than he (satan) who is in the world!!"
      You and I are to be overcomers by the power of His Holy Spirit.  If we ever hear "Just WHO do you think you are?"---what we truly believe about ourselves will come rising up out of us---if we believe we are a failure and concentrate on all we think we have done wrong---then to us, that is what we will be, BUT---if the TRUTH--the Word of God---rises up in us, we will begin to believe, speak and know exactly WHO we are!!!  You and I are a child of the Most High God.  We are joint-heirs with Jesus---the apple of God's eye---a blood-bought child of the King of Kings.  We are unconditionally loved, completely accepted by God, and absolutely forgiven.  We are an original creation of Almighty God---there has never been anyone like you in the whole wide world and there never will be another like you---ever!!!  When we look in the mirror and agree with what God says about us instead of the lies the enemy feeds us, we will begin to love ourselves.  The commandments are summed up in "Love your neighbor as you love YOURSELF."  Many of us miss that part----We are to receive God's love, love ourselves and then that love pours out of us to others---until we truly accept, forgive and love ourselves, we cannot love others.
     Beloved----WHO do you see when you look in the mirror?  Scripture says you are fearfully and wonderfully made!!  This is not about being "full" of ourselves---proud and arrogant.  It is about agreeing with what our Father God says about us---believing the truth.  There is a scripture that says---"As a man believes in his heart---so is he."  What we believe deep down in the core of our being--our heart---then we will be.  ALL things are possible, only believe!!  We have been robbed, duped and lied to by the enemy of our souls--satan--.  Isn't it time to rise up and believe the truth of who you and I really are?  Amen and Amen!!
Blessings:)
Carolyn
"Out of Death Comes Life"---next blog---

"There's an "Angel" in my neighborhood!!"

     There is a scripture in the Bible that says to be careful how we treat strangers, because some have entertained angels and didn't even know it.  I am sure you have encountered many angels on your journey in life---they are everywhere!!  Not only are we surrounded by a hugh heavenly host of angels that we cannot see, but we are ministered to all the time by angels we can see.  I have been seeing one of these "angels" in my neighborhood for a long time.  She walks very slowly around the block and holds one arm up by her side.  In the wintertime she wore a green coat and would often be accompanied by a yellow cat.  Many times on her walk, this "angel" would stop to pet the cat.  As she was walking, she would always check to see if my neighbor across the street had received her paper.  If the paper was in the yard, the angel would pick it up, slowly take it up the sidewalk and lean it against her front door.  I don't know if she did this to other people in the neighborhood but she always did it for Hazel who lives across the street.  I observed her do this over and over.  A few months ago, when I saw her walking, I stopped my car and told her that she was an "angel."  She just smiled as I told her she was an angel sent from heaven.  The next time I saw her out of my bedroom window, as she came walking around the corner, I went outside and told her again she was an angel and asked her what her name was.  She could not tell me her name---she is not able to talk!!  I asked her if she could not speak because of having a stroke and she nodded her head.  I told her it was all right because I knew her name was "angel" and asked her if I could give her a hug which she did.  A few days later, a card was at my front door.  On the card, was a name and address---I knew at once it was my angel and her name is Lisa.!!!  I was so excited to know her name.  A few days ago, I looked out the window and there she was!!  I went outside and asked if her name was Lisa and she nodded her head and smiled!!  I just cried and was so moved with compassion for her!!  This precious one cannot talk but she is still ministering love, care and concern to others.
     Sometimes "angels" come and we are not even aware until after our encounter with them that it was truly an angel sent to us---they fly in and out of our lives.  They come as friends, family members and even complete strangers.  I have a whole "army" of these angels---friends and family who have prayed me through these last difficult months.  I am reminded over and over of the song by Alabama called "Angels Among Us" that says "I believe there are angels among us, sent down to us from somewhere up above.  They come to you and me in our darkest hour---to teach us how to live--to show us how to give---to light us with the light of love.  They wear so many faces, show up in the strangest places, Grace us with their mercy in our time of need."  Many times, these angels come just at the very moment we need them the most.
     They are everywhere!!!---if we will just open our eyes and see:) 
Blessings!!!
Carolyn

"Just Do It!!!!"

    After more than a year of silence and after coming through a very difficult two year period, I am not sure where to begin in posting.  There is no way in one post to say everything about where I have been or to begin to thank everyone who prayed me through.  In thinking about starting to post again, I have gone through the usual excuses---what if I am not ready, what if I am not well enough, I'm not sure I "feel" able, where do I begin?, etc. etc.----which brings me to this post "Just Do It!!" 
    One thing I have learned on this journey called life is that we cannot go by our "feelings."  If we wait until we "feel" like doing something, we may never do it!!.  Feelings will deceive us--they are wishy-washy.  One day we may feel one way and the next day we may feel totally different!!  Feelings come and feelings go!!  How many times have we heard or said that we will do it when we feel like it---that our actions are the result of our feelings.  Like with love--one day we may "feel" so in love and the next day, we may not "feel" so in love at all.  Years ago, someone told me this about marriage.  Many marriages are abandoned because one partner did not "feel" in love or "feel" happy---not realizing that love is NOT a feeling-- it is a verb---it is something we DO.  It is an action.  Many times feelings will come if we will just go ahead and do those things we would do for someone if we "felt" so in love.  We have it backwards!!  If I feel like it---I will do it!!  In John 3:16, this is exactly what love does----it always GIVES.  "For God so loved the world (you and I) that He GAVE His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life."  Our God DID something!!!  He came to earth in human form--Jesus---and literally gave His life for us!!  Love is something we Do---regardless of how we feel.
    Who or what is controlling us?  If it is our feelings, then we might never even get up in the morning if we waited until we felt like it!!  How many people would actually show up for work if they only went when they "felt" like it?  How can husbands and wives love and meet each other's needs if we wait until we feel like it?  We use the typical excuses of not feeling like it---being too tired or some other excuse instead of depending on our Father God to give us His grace and strength to "Just Do It!!"  I love what a columnist who is over 90 years old said---"Every single day, no matter how you FEEL---get up, fix up, and show up!!!" 
    Love is a commandment--- in fact, all the commandments are summed up in this---"Love your neighbor (that is anyone) as you love yourself"---not if we "feel" like it----but rather--"Just Do It!!!"  You might even be amazed when you begin "doing" that the feelings follow:) Love gives first--then receives.  Amen and Amen!!
Blessings!!!!
Carolyn
Part of my journey this past year took me to Brookhaven Retreat where I spent 3 months for depression and anxiety.  I will be sharing in future posts much of my experience there and what I learned during that time away and what I am continuing to learn since coming home in November.

   
   

"The Dark Night of the Soul"

After 7 months of silence, I am now hearing the still, small voice of His Holy Spirit saying--it is time to start posting again.  This post is called "The Dark Night of the Soul" because that is where I have been for months after going into steroid-induced anxiety and depression and spiraling down into the blackest hole I have ever been in my life.  It has been a journey that I never wanted to take, but, evidently I needed to take this very painful journey into complete darkness because there were so many things that the Lord could not teach me if I was not there.  I will NEVER be the same person again.  Never again will I think lightly of someone going through anxiety and depression.  The world is very sympathic and understanding for persons going through physical problems--cancer or whatever, but when people began to have mental health issues, it is a whole different thing and because of the way many people view mental health, those going through the "living hell" of anxiety and depression are so ashamed and feel guilty that they try to hide it so then it becomes now only a living hell but a "silent hell" because of fear of being rejected by people if they tell others how they are truly feeling and what they are really experiencing.  Well, this time, I am being impressed to share the whole seven month journey with all of you----leaving nothing out---my experience----as painful, ugly and awful as it was----all I was feeling, thinking and going through.  In other words--I am going to "bear my soul" with you telling you all I believe the Lord showed me through it all---what all I have learned from an amazing Christian psychologist who is leading me through a book called "Making Peace with Your Past" about adults who came from severly dysfunctional families--like me having an alcoholic parent.  I am amazed at what all she has helped me with.  I will be telling you about that part of the healing process through what she has taught me.  Also, Lynn and I went to a Grief Recovery Retreat and I will be telling you about my experience and what I learned during that.  In order for me to be "real" and completely open with you, it will take me giving up what other people think about me which has been a real problem for me all my life---I was addicted to the praise and approval of other people--that came from my childhood.  When I begin to tell you about everything, the only way I can do that is know that I am being impressed by God's Holy Spirit to tell you the entire journey and know then that when I do what He wants me to do and tell you---then the rest is His responsibility.  Some will not receive it or judge or condemn me and that is okay.  But many will receive---in my being real and just putting it all out there for you to read----that it will bring life---"His life and light"----to many people who are in need of hearing this story.  God did not do it the way "I" wanted Him to do it nor did He take me where "I" thought I needed to go or get help from where "I" wanted to go.  I kept telling Lynn that he needed to take me somewhere and leave me---to put me somewhere for a month before I drove my family nuts!!! 
As one doctor said a few weeks ago---it is like a football field---I am not where I was (at the one yard line) but I am not at the goal post yet, but I am 30 or 40 yards down the field heading for the goal----to be restored body, mind and spirit---to be restored in the whole of my being and I have to concentrate not on how far I still have to go, but on how far I have come and my past successes.  I no longer have to be taken to work with Lynn---which for months he took me to work with him every day--I was never left alone.  Just since the first of February I am able to stay at home by myself.  I am able to drive now and have even gone to Waco twice by myself!!!  Sounds small to some people, but where I was, this is a HUGE accomplishment.
Now the other part of the sentence "In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God".  The bright flows the river of God involves ALL of you.  During the dark night of the soul I was in when I could not pray or could not function, God raised up an "army" of people to pray me through.  Many of you were part of that army.  I will be telling you about what so many people did for me during those months.  It will take a while for me to tell you the journey--and it will not be easy for me to be completely real with you, but I will be obedient to the leading of His Spirit to tell it and TRUST Him with the rest.
I can never begin to thank all of you for your part in my recovery, but please keep praying--I am not there yet, but THANK GOD I am on the way---and it has been by baby steps requiring much time and patience.
Hope you have a grace filled day!!
Blessings!!!
Carolyn

"To Hell and Back"

That may sound like a strange title to a post, but it just kept coming to me over and over because that is where I feel like I have been.  This is not a journey that anyone would want to take.  I will try to put into words what is on my heart to share with you.  After months of dealing with physical issues with my left leg and foot which the doctor felt was coming from a  nerve root being irritated , I was put on prednisone (which in all my 63 years I had never taken.)  Since I am extremely sensitive to any medications--including almost dying from a reaction to one years ago--after a few days, I began to have an adverse reaction and was told to stop the medicine.  Then a week later, I had a steroid spinal injection----not knowing how it would affect me.  Since that time many other symtoms started--being "hyped up" on the inside, extreme agitation, sleeplessness and many other physical symtoms--now having such intense ringing in ears that prevents sleep many nights.  At times, I thought I was losing my mind.  I could not think straight--even thinking I was not going to make it.  The purpose of this blog is not to go on and on about what I am going through, but rather to share with you something I realized in the midst of it all.  There are times in our lives--hard times which can be anything from intense grief, physical suffering, mental or emotional suffering---any time that is just extremely difficult when we are literally "carried" by others.  During this time, I could not seem to think straight, I could not pray, I could not hear the still, small voice of God's Holy Spirit--I was just trying to get through and not doing a very good job of it.  I did not praise my way through--I did not rejoice always--I did not sing in the midst of suffering---rather, I did a very human thing---I just cried.  I was being "carried" by others. God's Holy Spirit--the Comforter---also means "one who is called alongside to help."  Most of the time during the last month, all I could do was cry out to God to help me!!!  I began to think about the story of "Footprints"--where there are two sets of footprints during our life when the Lord is walking along beside us, but during the hardest times of our lives, there is only one set of footprints---those times are when He is literally carrying us.  I began to thank Him for carrying me through---it seemed to be all I could do.  During this time, my greatest encourager has been my husband, Lynn.  He has constantly told me that I WAS going to make it through--that I WAS going to be all right and that God would see me through.  Honestly, at times, I doubted what he was telling me.  It was like I was in a fog and was losing my way.  Many times, he cancelled his plans to stay with me.  During the worst of nights, when I thought I could not take it any more, I clung to Lynn for dear life.  He did everything for me and patiently took care of me.  He has been one of those "called alongside to help."  Many of you--my family and friends--have been one of those also.  I have received calls, e-mails, texts from all of you who have been called alongside to help me---even from some I write in prison telling me that I have been weighing heavily on their hearts.  I believe it is the Lord Himself who puts other people on our hearts to pray or call just letting them know we are thinking of them or seeing if there is something we can do for them.  That is what has happened over and over to me.  Even with a lawyer I just met for the first time who held hands with Lynn and I and prayed for me!!!  The real treasures in our lives here on earth are our family and friends.  We have seen with all the fires how quickly all our "stuff" can be gone in a matter of minutes.  You and I have something much more precious than all our "stuff"---which can literally be burned up in minutes.  We are blessed with family and friends.  They are the ones who will carry us through everything!!!  I thank our God--the Creator of the Universe----for carrying each of us through those hard times in our lives and for sending many alongside to help.  I believe He does this every day---putting others on our hearts.  I pray we will all be obedient to either pray, call, text or e-mail that person on our heart who is in desperate need of a word of encouragement.  I am so thankful for all those who the Lord has called alongside to help me.  How BLESSED you and I are!!!!  Even at times when we doubt His Word, we are remined over and over that "His GRACE is sufficient"---He sends many to us and we see His life coming through others to encourage, comfort and to "carry" us through.
Blessings!!!
Carolyn
I recently visited with Kenneth and his story will be the next post.

"The Mountain Won't Move!!"

Have you ever hit a "bump in the road" that ended up being more like a mountain?  These "mountains" can be anything from a relationship problem with a person, trials, difficult situations---it can be anything that we would really not like to deal with.  It is just human nature to want smooth sailing in our lives.  When we come to these hard times, many times our first thoughts are "Oh, God, why me?"  What did I ever do to deserve this?  If you will just get me out of this, I promise I will do this and that!!"  Haven't we all bargained with the Father at times?  Then we begin to pray and ask Him to remove the mountain or change it.  Oftentimes this is a person that we are asking God to change or to remove from our lives.  We look at scripture and see where it says if we have faith as the grain of a mustard seed, we can say to the mountain to be removed and cast into the sea and it shall be done--so we begin to say to the moutain to be removed---but sometimes, it will not budge!!  Then we begin to think that surely this cannot be from the Lord---it has to be an attack of the enemy (the old devil!!) so we then begin to rebuke and command him to leave---yet sometimes, the mountain is still there!!  We do everything humanly possible to get the mountain gone---but it will not move!! Sometimes, we become consumed by this moutain--it is all we think about--how we can be rid of it, go around it, be ejected out of the situation, get away from the person or problem!!  FINALLY, when we get to the end of "self" and all our human efforts have failed to change or move the mountain, THEN we look up--up to the Creator of the universe--the Holy One of Israel--our very present help in time of trouble--the great "I AM"--our constant companion--our covenant partner--and call out from our innermost being--"Lord, help me!!  Father God, how are "we" going to get over this mountain to the other side?  I have found that every time I pray and ask the Lord to change a person or remove them, that it never happens---but rather I have found that it is the attitude of my heart towards this person that the Lord is after---it is my heart that needs changing.  I have found out that over and over when I pray and ask Him what are "we" going to do about a certain mountain looming in front of me, that I hear the still, small voice of His Spirit speaking to my heart over and over--"We" are going to trust in the Lord with all our heart---"we" are going to cross over the mountain--no matter how arduous a journey it is---He is going to see me through--every dark valley---over every hard mountain--through every difficult situation--whether it is a person or not.  My journey will not look anything like your journey---it is an individual, one on one, personal relationship with the Father---we cannot compare our path with anyone else's.  He leads and guides us individually.  Beloved, are you facing a "mountain" in your life today?  Have you tried everything to get the mountain to go away and yet it will not budge!!  Could it be there for a purpose?  Is there something in us that needs changing?  How do we get over the mountain?  I think the song "Amazing Grace" says it all---"Through many dangers, toils and snares, I have already come.  It is GRACE that brought me safe thus far, and GRACE will lead me home."  The prayer of my heart for you and me today is that we will all hear what the Apostle Paul heard from above--whispered to our hearts and reminding us over and over--"My grace IS sufficient."  Hallelujah!!!
Blessings!
Carolyn

"The River of Life"

Isn't the beautiful painting for the blog amazing!!! Kenneth,the artist I told you about in my first post, painted this for me.  Over the phone, I described to Kenneth what I was wanting and he did the rest!!!  I will try to explain to you how I envision the river of life.  I believe that God's grace and life are like a river that flows from His throne into us.  This river of life flowing into us brings many blessings--- His love, grace, mercy, peace and forgiveness.  It is like a river on earth that flows, and everywhere the river flows and touches, the river brings life--to plants, trees, flowers and it also sustains life--life springs forth where the land is dry, barren and parched. Also, a river can be so powerful that it is a source for producing power-- electricity. So it is with God's river of life that flows into our hearts bringing life and sustaining life in us---His life. Sometimes, we are dry, barren and parched and in need of His life and light.  Also, we need our "power source", the Holy Spirit--His presence in us, to be able to do what He wants us to do and say what He wants us to say.  This amazing river of life that flows into us is meant to then flow out of us to others who are in need of the same love, grace, mercy and life from the Lord.  If nothing flows out of us, then we will be like the Dead Sea---everything flowing in, but nothing flowing out--or we will just sit and soak up all He gives and become "satisfied sponges." I believe all we have received from the Lord is to flow out of our innermost being to others.   One thing is for sure, none of us can make this happen or cause His life to flow out of us---He does it.  It is all by His GRACE--God doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.  He also does it His way and in His time---ususally when we least expect it and in ways we never thought He would--always reminding us that He is in control--not us!!  As I told Kenneth about the river of life, I then asked him to paint what he saw.  All I can say is "wow!!."  I believe this picture shows the glory around the throne and is just amazing.  Thank you Kenneth for blessing all of us by letting the gifts, that the Lord has given you, flow out to us.  As soon as Kenneth and I can get together, he has graciously allowed me to tell you his story.  He finished his time in prison in January, after being incarcerated for twenty years--half of his life.  You will be blessed by hearing his story.
Today, I believe that somehow, someway--probably when you least expect it-- you will experience His Grace Flowing out of you--- bringing His life and His light to those around you in desperate need of His touch.
Blessings!!!
Carolyn
Revelation 22:1--Next the angel showed me a pure river of water of life, sparkling like crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb.